The holidays are kind of weird. For all the ‘Most Wonderful Time of the Year’ jingles, it’s also the toughest for many people. Well, 2020 made us all step back for a reason. Some people over-commit to family, friends, volunteer tasks and find themselves over-scheduled and unable to enjoy the season. Some of us dread the inevitable, obligatory socializing and the pressure of being ‘on’. Some of us are grieving.

So here are a few less-typical Holiday Survival Tips. Some of them are brilliant. Some of them are not. But maybe you will find a nugget in here.

Ditch obligations

Just because you have always gone to Aunt Peg’s for Christmas Eve doesn’t mean you always have to. You can stop going. You have an excuse.

Say, “I’m starting a new tradition this year, I’m really looking forward to cooking with my kids and having a quiet family night.” Then set up another time to visit Aunt Peg when you’ll actually be able to visit her, instead of just a hug between appetizers while stuffed into a small house with 30 loud likely contagious relatives.

Reframe obligations

When I hear people complain about all the ‘stuff’ they have to do, I usually say, “Dude. Stop doing it.” The typical reply is, “Oh, but I really like having 37 different types of cookies and seeing all my 3rd cousins!” Cool. I can respect that. But stop looking at (and speaking of) the tasks and events like chores.

This is not a martyr contest. Nobody gives a darn that Betty SUV Soccer Mom makes her bundt cake from scratch and you use a mix. Except for Betty, and that is her issue. Do stuff because you want to because it brings you joy. And quit doing the stuff you do not want to do.

Stick with the people who warm your soul

Some of us are not close to our families. For many, many people, family relationships are rarely nourishing and sometimes painful. We have built friendships that stand in for the sibling and parental relationships that will simply never be fulfilling.

So why feel obligated to spend a holiday with anyone other than those who bring us joy and unconditional love? Create a holiday plan with the people you most enjoy and cherish. Or at the very least, an escape plan to unwind with the people who will let you vent after a stressful family interaction.

Step back from the gift-giving (and receiving) or just change it dramatically

Do you really want another gift set of fake perfumed bath gel and body lotion? Do you really want to be giving that to someone else? Blech. Maybe it is time to reexamine your gift-giving habits. Instead of exchanging gifts with your adult friends and family, can you decide to spend that money having a great dinner or experience together in the early part of 2021?

If you feel really attached to giving a tangible object, can you simplify the process? Find one universal gift and give it to all your people. A jar of local honey from your favorite apiary, a holiday ornament purchased from a local charity, or a sassy candle (hey, we have those!).

Rethink your assumptions

Just because you’ve always done the holidays a certain way, doesn’t mean you have to keep doing that. It is all a choice. Sometimes you do not even need to change the pattern, just recognizing that it’s a choice is enough.

What changes have you made to improve your holiday season for 2020? Help a sister…(Lady? What are the kids saying now?) out and share in the comments!

Wishing you a happy, merry, joyous whatever-you-celebrate. I hope you get exactly the holiday you want (and deserve).  To a much brighter 2021.